I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
