I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
