I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
