also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
