You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Randomize
