why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
