I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
