Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my poor anus
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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