Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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