I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
