A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
