This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
