So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
