You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
