i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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