Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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