based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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