The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
