After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
