imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
