From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
