Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
