Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
