I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
