So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
