I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
