I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
