I can text with my tongue
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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