My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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