we're blogging at a bar
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
