I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
