he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
