that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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