i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
