i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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