Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
