It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
