oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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