HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it glows. i had to have it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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