i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
