you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
