if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My liver just had a heart attack.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
