so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
