she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
