shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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