Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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