I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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