I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
