so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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