I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
