I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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