so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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