WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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