Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
