once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
