I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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