White coat. Heels.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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