google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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