this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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