Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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