Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
