Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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