So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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