weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
