will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
