Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm

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(207): View more from Maine

Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

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(512): View more from Texas

I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.

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(631): View more from New York

That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals

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