don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
