Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
