The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
