Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
