ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
