I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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