there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you had me at cake vodka
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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