the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
