so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
