Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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