question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
