Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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