We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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