So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The uberlube is also flammable
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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