Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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