I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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