I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
