I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We are two peas in an std pod
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
