my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
