I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
