Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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