Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Holy sore nipples Batman
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
