mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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