I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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