Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize