i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
