dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
