The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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