is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
